Why are black women supporting Bill Cosby?

Can we talk? I mean, can we really, really talk?

I’m upset with the comments of some black women popping up in my Facebook news feed.  I’m not sure how to take it all.  I mean, I’m a man.  I don’t know what it feels like to carry all that comes with being mistreated as a woman.  I don’t claim to be an expert, but I do my best to understand.

So, help me understand why so many black women are defending Bill Cosby?  Why are they attacking the 13 women who accuse Cosby of drugging and raping them over the years?  Why are they challenging the credibility of those accusations because it happened so long ago?

Help a brother understand.

I recognize why the image of Dr. Huxtable remains fixated in the imagination of those who grew up with Claire, Cliff and those adorable children.  Could it be that Cosby’s television persona kindles memories that help us feel warm and fuzzy when we watch those reruns? Are black women afraid of losing their model of marriage, parenting and career success?

I get all of that, but help me understand why women are throwing other women under the bus.  This troubles me for numerous reasons.  Top on my list of confusion regards the number of women I have dated who have experienced sexual assault. 

Get this.  I can’t think of one woman who hasn’t. Not one.  I’ll confess I’ve dated more than enough to draw an adequate conclusion. Many of those women have experienced multiple rapes.  Some have been drugged, beaten and raped. One escaped in the middle of the day while running with no clothes to cover her body.  Many were raped by family members.  It’s a long, pathetic list that exposes the ghastly ways of men.

All of them are black.  They represent the vast experiences of black women.  Some are highly educated. Others are high school graduates with amazing careers. In other words, it doesn’t matter how much money they earn or where they received training.  Black women, from all walks of life, catch Hell from men. And, it’s not just black men who use the bodies of black women for play.

Given the common experiences of black women, help me understand how a woman can’t understand why a woman refuses to speak up after being raped.  The women I know didn’t speak up.  They kept it to themselves for a variety of reasons.  Some feared retaliation.  Others felt no one would believe them.  A bunch of them merely wanted the nightmare to go away.

They didn’t want their names dragged in public space.  They didn’t want their friends to know.  They dreaded being labeled.  You know, it’s because of the way you dress.  You carried yourself like you wanted it.  You’re not innocent – you’re a whore who asked for it.

Why wouldn’t they believe all of that?  Isn’t that the common encounter of those who yell their truth?  Help me women! Isn’t that what happens? Isn’t that what happened to you? Isn’t that the reason you kept it to yourself?

I’ll say it again, I’m not an expert on how it feels to be a woman, but I am when it comes to doing my best to carry the burden of a woman I love.  Loving a woman means listening and embracing everything she has experienced.

What does that look like?

It means standing for any woman who screams rape.  It means fighting on behalf of all victims of sexual assault.  It means not calling her a liar when she says he drugged and raped her, and she was afraid to speak.

Yes, I’m aware of all the liars who make it hard to stand.  Yes, I’m still pissed at Wanetta Gibson for fabricating a story that landed Brian Banks in prison (see Rev-elution: Brian Banks not only victim of Wanetta Gibson lie, June 2013). I accept the hostility people feel towards Crystal Magum for accusing members of the Duke Lacrosse team of sexual assault.  That stuff is real, but none of that has any bearing regarding a case involving the claims of 13 women.

Help me understand black women.  Is it because most of the women are white?  Is it because you refuse to believe your television dad would do such a thing?  Is your refusal to accept the possibility of guilt rooted in a need to claim racial solidarity?

I’m not refuting your right to cling to support, but help me, please help me understand.

If anyone understands being screwed, it should be you.  So help a brother out.

Listening still.

 

 

 

 

Brian Banks is not the only victim of Wanetta Gibson's lie

Wanetta Gibson told a lie that cost Brian Banks the chance to play football at the University of Southern California.  That lie landed Banks in prison and helped Gibson garner a $750,000 settlement.

Gibson has been ordered to pay the Long Beach Unified School District $2.6 million for telling that lie.  Banks is still fighting to resurrect his promising football career. 

It happened in 2002. Gibson was 15 when she claimed Banks raped her.  Banks was a star middle linebacker at Long Beach Polytechnic High School.  He had just made a verbal commitment to receive a full scholarship to attend USC.    Gibson’s lie led to Banks serving five years in prison and five years on parole where he was forced to register as a sex offender.

Banks accepted a plea bargain after facing a possible 41 years to life in prison. Gibson and her mother Wanda Rhodes sued the Long Beach Unified School District claiming the school was not a safe environment.  They were awarded a $1.5 million settlement.

It was a profitable lie.

Wanetta Gibson contacted Banks in 2011 on Facebook.  The two met, and she admitted to fabricating the story of being raped.  Banks secretly recorded Gibson’s confession. The taped confession led Los Angeles County prosecutors to overturn the charges against Banks.

The lie was uncovered.  Gibson was ordered to repay the $750,000 settlement she received, attorneys’ fees, interest and $1 million in punitive damages to the school district.  The district will receive money from Gibson’s future wages and property.

"The court recognizes that our school district was a victim in this case," Long Beach Unified Superintendent Christopher J. Steinhauser said. "This judgment demonstrates that when people attempt to defraud our school system, they will feel the full force of the law."

Who’s the real victim?

The school district is able to recoup the money lost. Meanwhile, Banks, now 27, has been offered a chance to compete for a spot on the Atlanta Falcons roster.  There’s no guarantee he’ll make the team.  Lost was the chance for a college education and university experience.  Lost is the benefit of sound coaching to boast his playing resume.  Lost are years of learning and growing outside the confines of the brick walls and bars of the prison.

What payment is there for Brian Banks beyond the promise to prove he still has what it takes to play football?

Banks has the potential to earn enough money to shed the pain associated with all those lost years. No pro contract will be enough to make this right.  A lie destroyed what could have and should have been.

It’s sad what has happened to Banks, but he’s not the only causality if Gibson’s lie. 

Lost in the mix are the victims of rape who remain silent because of the presumption that they too are liars.  Lost in the conversation related to Gibson’s gross negation of Banks humanity is how her action impacts the voices of real victims.

Her lie will be used as yet another example of how women lie about being raped. She will be added to the list of others who are assumed to have lied to receive attention. Add Gibson to the list headed by Twana Brawley and Crystal Mangum.

Gibson’s deception may lead to dialogue concerning punishment of those who fabricate being raped.  Currently, there are no formal negative consequences for those who file a false report.  The accusers never have to fully admit that the report was a lie.  It is rare that legal actions are brought against the accuser.  When done, in most places, the charge is only a misdemeanor.

There is considerable support for establishing guidelines to define a “false rape accusation” and the criteria for proof of prior acts.  Many want to make the filing of a false report of rape a felony, rather than a misdemeanor, and to institute the possibility of a “not guilty and not credible” verdict as a warning to those who file a false complaint.

Efforts to institutionalize a policy against those who cry rape will make it harder for victims of rape to come forward.  Any law to punish the few who lie will strike fear among those who have been raped.  Not only will those charged of rape be forced to prove innocence; those who claim being raped will be forced to sustain the credibility of the charge.  Failure to establish the claim could lead to time served for failing to tell the truth.

Banks has suffered a lot due to Gibson’s lie. It’s shameful what has happened to Banks.  Gibson’s lie has harmed Banks, but it has also hindered the countless women who are raped each day in America.

Beyond the innocence of those charged with rape is the question of the merit of those who are raped but assumed guilty of telling a lie

This lie has hurt more than one man.