The
saddest part regarding the arrest of meg-Church pastor Creflo Dollar is the
response from those after they get word that Dollar choked, kicked and punched
his 15 year-old daughter. The first
response from most of the people I’ve spoken to is, “she must have deserved it.”
She
got what was coming to her. She must
have done something to push him over the top.
That’s what a daddy is supposed to do when baby girl disrespects the
authority of the man of the house. As
much as I hear that, I’m not buying it for one second.
You
see, there is a much deeper message at the bottom of all of this. With all the talk about domestic violence
among young people, why would we support a father who is modeling to his daughter
what it means to be in a loving relationship with a man? As much as I understand the need to
discipline children, we have to be careful in not endorsing activity that may
become confusing for those young girls who get a piece of poppa’s venom when
she acts like she’s grown enough to step in his face.
If
daddy is the one to teach her how to be with a man, what’s to say that the beat
down doesn’t come with that package? Is that what love looks like? Is that the treatment she is to expect from
the man who is supposed to be like her
daddy? I think not.
If
it’s true that father’s teach their daughters everything they need to know to
be in a relationship, are they to conclude that it’s acceptable to get choked
by their man if she crosses the line and fails to give him proper respect? I would hope that instead of a choke move,
kick to the side and left hook to the face, that daddy would remain calm, even
when its difficult, and teach how to engage in a conversation that does utilize
a loud voice and threats to whip that ass.
I’ve
lived with the philosophy that it’s my responsibility to be the man who opens
doors for my girls, is the first to buy them roses, takes them out to one of
the multiple star eateries and listens to them when their hormones are out of
whack and their comments and tone reflect they done lost their mind up in
here. Trust me when I say Krista and
Lenise, my daughters, have said and done some things that have taken me to that
place where beat downs begin. I haven’t
gone there. Never. Lenise is 30-something and Krista is 25. I refuse to go there because I will hurt the
man who does that to them.
Parenting
can be humbling. There have been times
when I wanted respect from my children, but the truth is I didn’t deserve
any. That’s what comes with being a
pastor. My children have been hurt by
the church. They have found themselves
in bondage due to how things might look if the church folks sawthem out. People make assumptions. People talk.
It’s not their fault that you decided to pick up the phone and answer
that call from God.
I’ve
made my share of mistakes as both a parent and a pastor, but one thing is
clear. I haven’t choked my girls, kicked
my girls and punched my precious little babies.
I dare any man to cross that line.
I will call on Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Jesus and my grandpapa before
finding the sucker who has the audacity to use force to get their attention.
Not playing that.
I
remember the time I was forced to humble with my Sugar Baby. That’s the name given Krista. Lenise is Sweet Baby. I was driving to Durham after picking her up
in Charlotte for a weekend visit. It was
after my divorce. Our times were special. I used the time driving from Charlotte, don’t
hit me, taking care of business on my cell phone. She was furious. She started crying. When I finally ended my business I was near
Greensboro. She let me have it. She let me have it good.
“I
don’t get to see you much, and when I do you stay on that phone,” I was
hurt. Not because I felt disrespected,
but because she was right. I held back
the tears. She kept crying. I wanted to wipe the tears from her
13-year-old face and tell her I was sorry.
I needed more than words.
Once
in Durham, I made my way to the nearest Kroger. I went inside and purchased flowers. I made my way to the car where she was still
fuming. I patted her window and gave her
the little puppy face. She rolled down
the window. I apologized and promised
never to do that again. I kept my
promise.
Since
then, both my daughters have had their “let me tell you how I feel” moments. I’ve
had to suck it in. Even when I didn’t want to hear it, or when I felt what they
said was unfair to me. Why? Because it’s
their truth, and they need to be taught, by their daddy, what it means to be
patient, and kind and loving, devoid of conditions.
So,
it’s never appropriate to punch, kick or choke those little girls. We have to show them how to be a man when we
fail to get our way.
Even
when they are wrong
Excellently put, my bro.
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