It was a dream that felt
like a reminder. I awoke feeling I had made a mistake. Have you ever had that
feeling?
I was studying for a
test at the University of Missouri. As I
went through my notes, I recognized an odd piece of paper with words scribbled
in red ink. “They need $15, 000,” the
top of the note read.
What is that, I thought
as I placed the note in a nearby book. I
continued my studies. The clock was
ticking. My exam was set to begin in 35
minutes.
The dream fast forwarded
to two years later. I was sitting at my
desk at WXLN Radio in Louisville, Kentucky.
I was placing books on a bookcase in my office when a note fell out from
a book. “They need $15, 000,” I began to
read. The rest woke me from my
dream. “by tomorrow or they will kill
me.”
It felt real. Had I failed to read a note that was slipped
in between my class notes? Was a life
taken due to my oversight? No, that
couldn’t be, I thought after tussling in my bed way past the time I normally
rise to begin my morning workout.
Was a life taken because
I was too busy to read the note? Have
messages been sent that others overlooked because they were too busy preparing
for a test? My mind shifted to an email
I received from Cynthia Hill, a Durham based documentary filmmaker. Hill and
Kit Gruelle are working on a documentary film about domestic violence. They have an indiegogo campaign with the goal
of raising $15,000 to complete the film.
The film Private Violence hopes to raise
awareness regarding the need for domestic violence prevention programs. They want to stop the violence before it
starts. Reports of recent domestic
violence homicides in Wake County brings to the forefront an issue that demands
attention.
“I was inspired to do a
film because I've worked in the battered women's movement in North Carolina for
28 years and I grew tired of hearing the same, recycled, victim-blaming questions
asked over and over again,” Gruelle says. “We are losing two women a week in North Carolina to domestic violence and our social/legal response/reaction is not dealing with
it.”
Gruelle and Hill have
been working on the film for five years.
Gloria Steinem is one of the executive producers.
“We have had a very hard
time getting people to fund the film,” Gruelle says. “Mostly, it's because of
the intense stereotyping that has allowed the issue to be narrowly-defined, so
people think they can just brush it aside, but it truly affects everyone,
directly or indirectly.”
The film addresses
problems with North Carolina’s criminal justice system. An example is a charge commonly used in
domestic violence prosecutions called Misdemeanor Assault
with a Deadly Weapon. This charge means that a woman can be shot or stabbed
and, unless it involves a life-threatening injury, it will, more likely than not, be charged as a misdemeanor.
“But it is a felony to
steal a bale of pine straw,” Gruelle says.
Gruelle says domestic
violence is the giant, hidden social undertow that goes unmentioned or renamed.
“We have danced around this issue for
decades,” she continued. “We have marched at vigils; we have attended funerals;
we have released balloons; we have reacted to this crime, but Cynthia and I
want to try to address the need for prevention. That's why Gloria Steinem got
behind the film.”
My dream felt like a
memory. “They need $15,000 by tomorrow,
or they will kill me.”
Every year, Monica Daye,
founder of Stand Up/Speak Out, holds a vigil to remember those killed as a
result of domestic violence. She calls
me to read the names. For the past five
years, I have stood in the dark, surrounded by candles, while reading name
after name. I give their ages and weapon
used.
In some cases, I read the
relationship with the murderer – husband, boyfriend, father, step-father,
mother’s boyfriend. It’s the same each
year. The list is a reflection of the
general population. Each race. All
economic groups. A broad range of ages.
Is the dream is a memory of
those who cry from the grave? “We needed
you by tomorrow,” they scream from the tomb.
“You were too busy to read the rest of the note.”
They need money to get
the message out. The life of a woman
depends on each of us.
Is it a dream, or a
memory? Does it matter?
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