When Women Think Like Men

I’m certain that the disgust I felt could be seen in my facial expressions. After years of attempting to find a way to enter into a meaningful, mutually beneficial and committed relationship, I had come to the conclusion that maybe it wasn’t out there for me. That isn’t anything new. One of the primary themes in my novels Preacha’ Man and the sequel Backslide are the struggles facing single men in ministry who are searching for love.
I’ve come to regard my grapples as a man in ministry as more universal in nature. Hate to say it, but finding love these days has been complicated by a new set of dynamics that have fractured the state of romance in a way that has me aching from head to toe. It was much easier for me to deal with it all when I assumed the problem was with my matching set of bags. It is tough admitting that your problems with women are related to your problems with yourself. As arduous as that may be to declare; it’s easier to tackle things when the only thing standing in the way of you and authentic love is you.
Getting my locs maintained at a salon typically filled with women exposes one to insight beyond what I gather during my trips to the barber shop to get my shave. In other words, the sisters have a different twist. That twist on the state of love had me gasping for a way to find hope beyond what has become, for me, a bitter battle to find the real deal.
What is it? Get this. Women have turned into men. They have found a way to justify their manly ways by using the adage, “since men do it, its okay for us to do the same.” What does a man say to that? You could affirm a woman’s right to function under the same rules as men. You could recognize that the liberating thing to do is to recognize that you agree with their notion that true liberation demands that they be allowed a space to act like men have for ages.
The womanist thinker in me wants to say amen to that. I’m tempted to stand on the side of women and applaud them for breaking free from the crutches of patriarchy. I want to stand by their side and advocate for their privilege to treat men in the way men have historically regarded women. Yes, I want to scream, this is proof that women have finally overcome! Go for it sisters! Treat us in the way we have treated you. Lie to us! Cheat on us! Play games with our heads! Manipulate us for your personal gratification! Go find a young man. Drop the one you’re with for a young, sexy, arm piece. Be the one that proves women can act like men. That makes everything right!
Gasp! Is that what we’ve become? Is the goal of liberation to create a culture were the rules of the oppressor can be exercised by those once oppressed? Is this the way women become free-by becoming more like men? I think not.
I’ve listened as women speak with pride about the show “I Love New York”. The show has taken a reject from Flavor Flav’s “Flavor of Love” and created a version for the sisters. Women are inspired that the games used to degrade women can be used to demote men. If it’s good enough for the brothers, it’s good enough for the sisters. This proves we’re like you, and, as a consequence, you get a chance to see how it feels to be treated like an object rather than a person.
What a sad indictment on the state of affairs between men and women. Wouldn’t it be better to get men to see how their ways have harmed women and men grow beyond the assumptions of patriarchy rather than molding women to use the rules of patriarchy to their own advantage?
Things get worse when the oppressed become the oppressor. When that happens there’s no movement in the direction of bona fide reconciliation. All that reading on womanist and feminist thought has led to this- bend over and take your spanking. Since you’re a man let us treat you like a bitch.