Lessons From Gay Pride

It could be said that I have been a hypocrite. I have vocally supported my gay brothers and sisters. I spoke at a protest when Proposition 8 passed in California. I have written and encouraged readers to fight against homophobia. I have preached about the need to become open and affirming communities of faith. With all of that being said, I have been a hypocrite. Until Saturday, I had not been to the Gay Pride Parade in Durham, NC

I wish I could say it has been due to some conflict in schedule. Not the case. I would be dishonest if I said it has been due to the location of the event. Nope. It takes place within walking distance of my downtown loft. I have stayed away due to fear. I dreaded having to contend with the assumptions people would make when they saw me in the crowd. I was afraid that people would assume I’m gay.

The fear is rooted in my journey as an advocate for gay rights. Sadly, I have carried the label for some time now. The whispers began after my second divorce. People wanted to uncover the truth behind why it all ended. That’s when the rumors started-that he must be gay.

It took years for me to discover how deep the lie had become embedded into the lore of black folks in Durham. It became lucid to me when I was asked to write an article for the Independent Weekly. The editor wanted me to share how I transformed while serving as Pastor of the Orange Grove Missionary Baptist Church. I became perplexed when she continued to send it back asking me to share more about my personal change. Later, I discovered she assumed I’m gay and wanted me to discuss how my coming out of the closet impacted my life and work.

I soon discovered the impact of the rumor. The gossip mutilated my spirit. Being an advocate comes with a price. It was then that my admiration for the non blacks of the Civil Rights movement escalated. The real heroes and sheroes of change are those who stand when doing so creates discord in their lives.

I imagined being called ‘Nigger lover” by members of the family. I considered those willing to literally take bullets for people they love for reasons deeper than family ties. It was then that I became disgusted with my own grapple with not attending the Gay Pride Parade. I had allowed bitterness to distort my message of unity. I was more concerned with what people thought of me than I was of my need to stand in solidarity with those who endured much more than the scandal of a rumor.

I sucked it up on Saturday. I made the walk to the Duke wall. People were gathered in preparation for the unveiling of their pride. With each step, my courage rose above the venom of the rumors. I passed people I know along the way. “Hey Mr. Kenney,” a young photographer called my name with a smile as he prepared to take a picture. I kept walking.

I found a place on the wall and embraced the pride. I celebrated the bravery of those bold enough to resist years of discrimination. Tears began to pour as I witnessed the procession of churches there to support a prideful community. I cried because the church I pastor was not in the parade. We were not there because of my fear. My words weren’t strong enough to transform my own fear into action. I needed to march. Instead, I stood on the wall and watched as others made their bold statement of faith

I walked in the direction of Whole Foods to purchase items to cook. Then, I heard a scream. “Pastor, Pastor,” one of the congregant screamed as I approached. We embraced. “This is my Pastor everyone.” I felt the release of fear. His embrace said more than enough to eradicate the disappointment of my hypocrisy. Yes, I’m your Pastor.

From there I approached that dreaded intersection-the corner of Main and Broad St. Hate stood there with signs of damnation. The van that transported them had the name of love-JESUS-on the side in bold print. They were there, the church folks, to remind people of their fate. One sign spoke of the rapture. The urge to preach love came to me. I carried the rage that led me to my hiding place. I rekindled the memories related to how people like these spread hearsay on me. I reflected on how they used the sacred truth to damage the souls of the people I love so much.

“I don’t care what you think of me,” I screamed to myself as I considered the hate that robbed me of my former life. Hate sucked my work and robbed me of my security. Lies damaged my integrity and ruined the promise of a blooming work. Gossip stagnated the proclamation of truth and prophetic message of a world where love eradicates hate.

I stood and glared at the hatred on the other side of the street. A float passed by. On the float was a man with a microphone. He said more than I could. “God loves you too,” he spoke as he passed the holy folks on the side of the street. “God loves us all. God doesn’t discriminate, people do that.”

Amen my brother. Amen. That’s the good news. It doesn’t matter what people think of us, God loves us. Each of us must stand for truth. When we fail to do so we give power to the hatred that reduces others to the mind of their imagination. Love has to stand, even when labels come with taking that position.

So, forgive me for my hypocrisy. Forgive me for allowing fear to rule. Next time my truth will participate in the parade. I’m calling other people of faith from the African American tradition to walk with me. It’s the least we can do.

Eddie Long: Prophet or King

These pictured are allegedly of Bishop Eddie Long taken while he was in a hotel bathroom before sending to the plantiffs of the lawsuit

We should be careful before we throw stones at Bishop Eddie Long. The reputation of the prominent Atlanta minister has been tarnished by the claims of three men that Long, the overseer of Atlanta’s New Birth Missionary Baptist Church, used money and power to coerce them into having sex. The story is not the first time Long has been connected to scandal, but it is the first time the news has captured the attention of the national press.

An investigation by Atlanta Journal-Constitution reporter John Blake uncovered serious questions about the compensation Long collected from the nonprofit, tax-exempt charity he created in 1995 to help the needy and spread the good news. Between 1997 and 2000, Bishop Eddie Long Ministries, Inc. provided its founder with at least $3.07 million in salary, benefits and use of property. In those same four years, the charity only made $3.1 million in other donations. It was impossible to tell to whom those donations went as the records aren’t itemized-a violation of IRS rules.

On the surface, this appears as a tragic epic of a powerful man gone wild due to the trappings of his defects. The press clippings are reminiscent of other clerics unable to tame the demons lurking deep within. The hall of shame is enough to kindle questions related to the motivations of those who decide to give themselves to the call they profess. From Jim Baker to Jimmy Swaggart and all the way back to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., people are left with a sour taste in their souls due to the misconduct of those who verbalize a faith they are unable to reflect in their actions.

As saddening as all of that may be, this is more than a story about a minister who may have been on the down low with boys in his own church. The noise in the crowd is to tag Long a hypocrite if these allegations are true. And, why not? His anti gay message has harmed many of the gay and lesbians in need of a place to worship void of the negative rhetoric that challenges them to change their evil ways as they find their way to Jesus. The real critique of Long transcends a conversation about what happens when the lights go out. We should pause to reflect on both the theology and ethics that make Long’s bent on ministry in grave discord with the elementary claims of the Christian faith.

Eddie Long, T.D. Jakes and Creflo “Give Me Some” Dollars have become the forerunners in shifting the way African American ministers process the design of faith movements. The departure away from the Church as a community of social reconstruction emerged with the awakening that money can be made in that sacred space. The prophets have been transformed into kings and people are more than willing to bow before their leaders and lavish them with impious riches.

These are multi millionaires who hide behind the words of faith to assemble their businesses. Their marketing strategy is to manipulate people into embracing the notion that God desires them to walk with fame and fortune as a way of modeling what could be in the lives of those who sign on the dotted line by dropping money into the collection plate.

This is a story about how Long uses the money dropped in that collection plate. The public wants to know if he had sex with those young men. We want the gruesome details to unlock the closet of Long’s sex life to bring more fuel to the flame that proves the evils of those in the pulpit. Others will claim Long is only human, and we should be careful not to judge him for what each of us is capable of doing.

So true my friends. Ministers are only human, but who placed Long on the pedestal he stands? Who gave him the power to purchase not one, not two, but four Bentley’s. Who gave him the right to stand before his people and rant about his God given right to be a symbol of success for all to praise? Long created a world that imprisoned him into fulfilling the hollowness of his own claims. He made himself into a king, and the people in return worship him for giving them someone human to praise.

25,000 members believe the charade of his prosperity message. It’s a theology that strips the Christ of humility and replaces the crucified Christ with David on the throne. It takes the message of servant hood and trades it in for a system that opens the door to more money in the bank. It seduces people into giving more and more, while their spirits remain bankrupt due to the superficial theological claims erupting from the pulpit.

Yes, these are serious allegations. If true, and we should give this time to play out, Long used his money and power in a way that tarnished the spirit of these three men. If not true, some things are still true. Long, and those who desire to be like him, should be challenged for using God and the work of the kingdom to lace their pockets with mo money.

Some call them pimps in the pulpit. If they’re pimps it’s time for the ho’s to be set free. So, for those who have participated in a work of faith void of theological substance, run away my child. Find a place where people aren’t being tricked and seduced into pouring buckets of money into the lap of the king. Last time I checked the king was killed and rose on the third day.
He didn’t come back looking for a Bentley.

He came looking for men and women carrying crosses on their backs.

Tiger Woods: More Than Just Sex

For the past six years, I have met with a group of highly analytical people every Saturday. We call ourselves the Saturday morning breakfast club. We gather to discuss a variety of topics. This past week’s talk got a little heated once the name Tiger Woods was placed on the table. Pat Hoffman suggested Woods should apologize for objectifying women. Two hours later I began to see Pat’s point.

I placed the question in my status box on Facebook. I wasn’t a bit shocked at what came back. From, “I’m tired of this topic,” to “You must be kidding” it was clear most believe Woods owes no apology for having sex with “those women.” They grown enough to know what they were getting into. They should apologize to his wife. They participated in this fiasco by coming after Tiger because of his fame and cash.

The consensus among most is the same. The responses to that question leaves me brooding the implications of a world where sex is viewed as no more than a game pitting men versus women for the sake of whatever comes their way. The humanity of the people under the sheets has been stripped and transformed into objects there to satisfy the desire of the one in need of a release.

The names of the objects don’t matter. It doesn’t matter that there is a family back home, that there is a history connected to that warm body. She or he (yes, women do it too) is reduced to a depository there to stimulate his or her need for something missing. She becomes his crack fix. He becomes her mood altering sedative. People aren’t present in that space. They are toys to be played with.

The public has spoken. They knew better. They participated in his act of play. That may be true, but there is a deeper issue to bear in this matter. If Tiger is engaged in a therapeutic process, and he is, then he must dig deeper and deal with the way he has reduced women to no more than those objects for his self-gratification. Until he does that he will remain stuck in a place where he contends he deserved to be the recipient of their offer to play due to his entitlement as a man with money and power.

Having willing participants doesn’t resolve a man or woman of a deeper obligation to consider the humanity of those they use for play. Failing to make that apology absolves responsibility for the way one views those used for sex game. Tiger was able to do it because he minimized those women. In doing so he not only disregarded the worth of those women, he did the same with his wife. He engaged in a practice that has become common within the larger society-the placement of people within boxes to be used at the discretion of the one in control.

Tiger’s wife served a purpose-take care of the children and to make him look good in public space. The women he had sex with served another role-to give him the space to engage in behavior that he felt he deserved as a man. He viewed women like the little white ball he hits on the golf course. They are there for play.

This conversation should not be relegated to a quarrel regarding Tiger’s personal business. As he so eloquently put it, he needs to be left alone to rebuild his relationship with his wife. I raise the question for reasons beyond how the King of the golf course fell in the bunker. Critical in this matter is how the humanity of the other has been detached from the act of sex.

It’s easy to get caught up in the game of sex when no person is connected to the act. To move forward, men and women like Tiger need to examine how they have used others for the sake of their self-gratification. It is true the other has willingly participated in that game, but that doesn’t absolve a person of their responsibility to consider the worth of the people used in the game of sex. Failure to make that acknowledgement creates space for the continuation of the same form of manipulation.

Sorry folks, it’s more than just sex. There’s a person connected to that climatic experience. When women and men are used for the purposes of self-gratifications, the manipulator needs to apologize for living with a screwed up concept regarding the worth of those used in their game. It’s not just Tiger’s cross to bear.

So, go apologize for the game you’ve played.

Reading Comprehension and Critical Thinking

I normally don't respond to post on my blog. Over the years (my first column appeared in the Herald-Sun on July 20, 1997) I have received death threats from members of the KKK, had a slumlord yell at me over the phone, received mail from a dude warning me I would be killed while walking down the streets, been called an Uncle Tom by black people and accused of raising the race card by white people. Simply put, I have been hated by just about every segment of the population.

A couple of things ring true in evaluating those who have responded to my work. I’ve discovered that most of my critics lack sound reading comprehension. This happens on a number of fronts. There are those who don’t read what I write, but rather listen to what others think about what I write. As a journalist, I have learned to read the original document before drawing your own conclusions. Most of my detractors draw suppositions based on what someone else said about what I said. This is why I listen, as hard as it has been, to Rush Limbaugh. I dislike what he says not because of what others say about what he says, but because of what I have heard him say.

Sounds simple, but trust me when I say it gets hard reading what people say about what you say when you hold in your hand the original document. I would like to believe that most of what has been posted on my blog is the outcome of people responding based on what they have heard, rather than from what they have read. Otherwise, we are contending with a generation that lacks basic reading comprehension skills.

I’m not alone in this assessment. “I'm very concerned about the lack of basic communication skills exhibited by those students who fired off angry, reactionary messages fueled, in some cases, by the default ‘the media's out to get us’ attitude that plagues that school in particular and the DPS central office, IMO,” a local reporter responded in an email. “It was clear that some of them commented after hearing about, but not checking out for themselves w/some degree of objectivity, what you wrote!”

The reporter continued. “Some of our kids really need to have someone with patience to teach them critical thinking skills, or they'll be doomed to marginal opportunities and glass ceilings after graduation that wouldn't be there if they saw themselves as well prepared, truly educated, possibly bilingual and very curious citizens of the world...with minimal (if any) hobbled self-image generated chips on their shoulders.”

My colleagues concern for the state of critical thinking and reading comprehension led me to write this post. Most disturbing is how prevalent it is among a vast percentage of those who read my recent post. Critical thinking involves a level of responsibility that many of my readers lack. Before speaking, do the homework. Study the subject being criticized. Develop an opinion based on significant research around the subject matter. Simply do the homework.

I don’t blame the students at Hillside for lacking a historical perceptive. They’re not aware of my role in writing columns when the new Hillside was built. They are too young to remember the viscous attacks I launched at Ann Denlinger, the former Superintendent. They are too young to remember how I fought, since the inception of their school, for the promotion of all that is good at Hillside. They are too young to remember Richard Hicks, the principal who led Hillside from the old building to the new. They haven’t read the columns I wrote back in the late 90’s about Richard Hicks and the strengths at Hillside.

The youth at Hillside are too young to remember that, back in the day, there was a fight to merge the City and County school systems. They don’t know the heated battles to complete what Mayor Bill Bell started when he was Chair of the County Commission. They weren’t there to listen to the fear laced comments coming from white residents. They didn’t have to read what the paper wrote back in the day. They are reaping the benefits of having a local press that has been stripped due to the economy. In other words, if not for the reduction in staffing at both the Herald-Sun and the News & Observer things would be much worse.

This generation makes assumptions related to their school that those who came before them never had the privilege of embracing. They have the guile to believe citizens have no right to know about what happens in their schools. They pick fun at those in the press and attack them for reporting on what the public has a right to know. When guns are found in the schools, when academic performance is low, when drop-out rates are high and there are other issues in the school, people have a right to know. Why, because there is a history that predates this discussion, and it is incumbent upon those within this merged school system to prove the experiment is working.

As I’ve stated, I can’t blame the students for not knowing better. I can’t blame them for not being there, for not reading my work from the past, for not knowing the work that has been done or for making far too many misguided statements about the reporting on matters involving their school. As disturbing as all of that may be, what gets under my skin is their lack of comprehension or, and I hope this is it, not reading before they write.

A suggestion on reading within context-read all of the relevant material before formulating an opinion on the subject. Read it for yourself. Don’t take the comments of others. Let me give you a bit of history on this subject. There were two previous blogs. The first raised eyebrows after I exposed Pappy would not be returning to Hillside. In that post I discussed reasons behind his leaving. For those who missed it, the reference to the man in the nice suit was not a criticism of Pappy, but rather a statement related to the cycle implored by DPS administrators-place the job in the hands of the guy in the suit or the lady in the dress. My suggestion to the administration was to give Pappy more time. The post was not an attack against Pappy, but more of a call to action.

The second post was an apology to the students at Hillside. It was written after Mr. Pappy exposed how hurt the students were after the first blog post. It was my personal gut check. It seems that responses to this recent post failed to read the second blog, or, just maybe, they care less that an apology was made in the first place. If that is true, and I hope it isn’t, students need a lesson involving character and forgiveness.

With all of that being said, the students who have posted on this blog make some great points. Posting in this public form is one of the ways to alter any misperception. It is up to the students at Hillside, and other low performing schools across the state, to remind us all that test scores are not the only way to measure academic excellence. The students often refer to the drama department at Hillside. Hillside New Tech and the International Baccalaureate program are gems within the Durham Public School system. Great things are happening at Hillside, but beyond these obvious reminders of success, great things are happening that can’t be measured by test scores and graduation rates.

The best way to alter all of those perceptions is in how students present themselves in public space. When arguments are formed based on sound, credible evidence-people listen. Those arguments should be made not as an attack against the character of those engaged in reporting and giving commentary on the news. The best way to shift the tide of public opinion is not to engage in a war, but to raise the bar. Speak with credibility. Do your homework. Don’t make assumptions. Speak with passion, but when you do, be sure you have read the evidence before you speak.

And please keep posting. Let us know how you feel. Don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind. This blog belongs to you. Challenge me when I’m wrong, but when you do that, do it with respect. Not because my feelings will be hurt, but because all eyes are on you and your school. This blog has given the world a chance to see you in a different light, and that light is shinning. Your school is better because of your words.

Go mix those words with truth. Read.

The Death of Earl Pappy

I unlocked the door to the gym at West Village as four students from Hillside followed prepared to show their moves. Dremarcus “Little Dre” Rogers received a text message. “Dang man,” he whimpered in disbelief. “Mr. Pappy is dead.”

I didn’t want to believe the text message. I ran upstairs to my loft and began making calls to confirm the news. “Yeah man,” Delbert “DJ Kraze” Jarmon said. “He died of a heart attack this morning. Earl Pappy, the former Principal of Hillside High School, died on Sunday morning.

I soon discovered that his last days were engulfed in a tussle to find work after resigning his post at Hillside. He walked away after being pressured by members of the alumni association, some parents and folks like me to turn things around at the troubled school. People were tired of all the negatives that came with having a student enrolled at the Hillside. It was time to shift the cycle of dismay that made Hillside a laughingstock among North Carolina schools.

I’ll never forget my last encounter with Earl Pappy. It was during a meeting with the Site Based Management Team at Hillside. They were troubled after reading a blog I posted that called for a change in the culture at Hillside. Pappy was angry because the students were angry. I listened as other members of the committee shared their opinions about my blog. It wasn’t until Pappy spoke that I decided to write an apology to the students.

“I haven’t read what you wrote,” he said. “I don’t need to read it. My students are upset and that’s all I need to know about what you wrote.” It was the look on his face that got my attention. I could tell he cared about the students. He was right. They had heard enough bad news about their school.

“He was more like a friend than a Principal,” Cortland “Big Dre” Gallaway said. “He really cared about us.” Big Dre talked to me about how Pappy would listen to the students. In his mind that was a good thing. In the minds of some of the teachers it’s what made it difficult for him to succeed.

One teacher told me Pappy was a bad match for Hillside. The school, in that teacher’s opinion, needed a disciplinarian, someone who would tell the boys to pull up their pants. “He would have been great in a school like Hillside New Teach or in a setting where the emphasis was just on the academics. The problem I have is in how he was set up to fail.”

From all accounts Pappy had a hard time finding work after leaving Hillside. I’m told he spent his last days depressed due to the stress caused by having to deal with a career change. Is that what happens after we throw people among the wolves to be devoured while attempting to make a difference? After being forced to leave his job, the school system failed to find a place for Pappy to continue to use the gifts that landed him the job. What happened to all those accolades that had leaders of the system raving about how he would make a difference?

“He was easy to work with,” said Nakia Jones. Jones has served as a substitute teacher at Hillside since 1996. She has watched Principals come and go. “The one thing that set him apart from others was his support for the arts. He really believed in what we were doing and did all he could to support us.”

Pappy’s biggest critics acknowledge that he was a great person. “I can separate how I feel about a person from how I feel about them as a leader,” Jarmon said. “As much as I liked him as a person I did not think he was the right person for Hillside.”

It is hard to talk about a person after they die. During his life I believed Pappy was set up to fail. I wrote that the Alumni hindered his progress. I believed then, and still do, that it was a lack of support from the community that led to his end at Hillside. I believed then, and I still do, that our expectation for Pappy to save the ship from sinking void of help from those looking from the outside would set him up to fail-just like those who came before him at Hillside.

What troubles me most is what happened after he walked away. No one was there to offer him a job. No one cared enough to help Pappy stand with integrity after the pressure was too much for him to continue in his role at Hillside. It is disturbing to me that black men with insight take that risk everyday to make a difference. They throw themselves in the midst of the hardest battles only to be cast to the side after they are unable to make the expected change.

This man deserved the right to work with dignity. Why didn’t we support him after he walked away? Why couldn’t we find a way to utilize his enormous gift? Why do we give black men one chance to fail?

This was a great man who loved the students at Hillside. They cared for him for reasons some may never understand. He made a difference in their lives. Despite all of that he couldn’t get a job.

Help me understand why. It’s a shame. No, it’s a damn shame!

Haiti: A Call to Serve

I’ll never forget the day my mama taught me how to be mission minded. I was preparing to leave for school when a taxi pulled into our driveway. My mother goes into the garage where luggage was waiting, comes back into the house to inform me and my father she was leaving to go to Haiti. We both stood in shock as the taxi pulled off to take my mother to the airport.


I thought of my mama’s trip when I heard of the earthquake in the most impoverished nation in the Western hemisphere. She returned with stories about the people she met there. She talked about the beauty of the country and her experience with voodoo. She was moved by the power of the worship service which ended with a chicken being decapitated. Haiti changed my mother, but not because of the landscape our rituals of the people. It was the poverty that opened her eyes and paved the way for her work as a true catalyst of change.


From her work with women to the founding of a homeless shelter back in Missouri, my mother’s trip to Haiti began my own journey down that lonely road of doing all I can to make a difference. There was something in her eyes when she returned that forced me to rethink the decisions I would soon make. Those pictures of the poor would not let me sleep.


I called my mother after the earthquake. I asked her about Haiti. Her response was simple, “You know I went there,” she said. “It hurts so much.” Then a pause. “My God it hurts so much.”


My friend Glenda Jones called just before I made that call back home. Her call reminded me of one I received after Hurricane Katrina struck the Gulf Coast. Back then Inga Willis and Sima Flower, owners of Peace Fire Galleries, called me disgusted by the lack of attention given to the horrific pictures that consumed us-people unable to get off roofs. Pictures of dead bodies floating, children crying and senior citizens dazed by it all. One gloomy image after another left us feeling mortified and disgusted by a lack of movement.


We moved to the streets crying for help. We stood there begging people to help in some way, any way, to put an end to the pain of our brothers and sisters down there. We held buckets to collect money. We had no permit. We did not know we needed one. Soon, donations came and an organized followed and hope took over. Glenda’s voice was another call to move.


“We will be taking donations on Saturday,” she said. “We want to collect items for babies. Will you help?” Of course I will. I called my mother. When I hung up the phone I cried. I cried because of the sound of my mama’s voice. I could tell she wanted to go back. I knew the faces of the orphans she visited while there came to mind. I knew she thought of all the poor people who now had to endure even more pain.


So, items will be collected on Saturday at Glenda’s salon-Sincerely Yours at 2718 Hillsborough Road (next to Merchants Tire). They will collect items to be shipped from 10:00 a.m. until 4:00 p.m. The drive is in collaboration with the Family Health Ministries, a charitable organization based in Durham, NC that provides medical care in Haiti with 70 volunteers in the country. Family Health Ministries will ship the items to Haiti.


Family Health Ministries is requesting specific donations:

· CLOTH DIAPERS
· DIAPER PINS
· RUBBER PANTS
· LARGE WOUND CARE (BANDAGES, BRACES)
· ANY OTC DRUGS (I.E., TYLENOL, TUMS, MOTRIN)
· ALCOHOL PREPS
· AS MUCH BABY FORMULA AS POSSIBLE

Because of cultural differences or weight concerns the following items are NOT requested:

· NO Pampers
· NO Baby Food
· NO Water
· NO bottles of alcohol or antiseptics


The number at Sincerely Yours Salon is (919) 286-7777 or call Liz at (919) 260-0357. It happens tomorrow, January 16th. It’s interesting it all happens on the weekend of the Martin Luther King, Jr. Birthday celebration. What better way to honor Dr. King than to participate in a cause that he would have encouraged.


Our prayers go out to all the people in Haiti. We send them our love. We send them our support. I send them the spirit of an amazing mother who taught a son how to love and give. This is the work of the kingdom of God.


Yes, it hurts so much mama, but you son will do what he can to do what you taught him to do.


Take that Pat Robertson.

They Cared About Me

“I really like my new principal,” one of the students at Hillside said. “He really cares about us.” He sat and recounted the story told during a meeting with the students. The student talked about not being able to keep the tears away.

Hans Lassiter shared the story of a student caught stealing food from the cafeteria. “She was taking food to feed her mother and brothers and sisters,” the student continued. “He told us it was okay. They made sure the family had food.” Now I had to fight back my own tears. The story reminded me of the days when schools did more than prepare students for the big test at the end of the year. It’s hard to focus on academics when a person has no food at home.

Then my mentee got to the root of the matter. “He told us we shouldn’t have to pay for lunch,” I considered the students plight. His mother struggles to pay the $5 per day per child to eat at school. That’s $50 per week. That’s $200 per month. “He told us he wants to change the rules so we can eat for free.” What matters isn’t that Lassiter can move to make that change. What matters is that he cares enough to try.

The words of the student echoed after I heard them-he cares about us. Isn’t that all anyone really needs? Doesn’t it make a difference when students know they’re cared about? I had to pause to reflect after that story. It took me back to High School in Columbia, Missouri. There was a moment there that changed my life. I knew I was cared about.

It came after the death of my sister. Her death crippled me. I could not study. It was hard for me to find the strength to go to school. My grades dropped. My parents were unable to help me due to their own pain. Drugs entered the picture. First it was marijuana, then pills, then cocaine and then shots of heron. I became addicted. I entered a world removed from the pain of my baby sister’s death.

Mr. Battle, the counselor at the school, showed up at my house after I missed a week in school. He knocked on the door when I was high after taking a hit of weed. He told me to get dressed. He cared about me. A few days later, I sat to take a test. My body trembled. There was too much pain left. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t write. I signed my name, ran to the nearest bathroom and cried. I cried until the end of the class period. I ran from the bathroom and existed the building. I sat on the bleachers where fans cheered while I ran around the track. I wept until the end of the day. I couldn’t move.

The next day the teacher asked me to stay after class. She waited for everyone to leave. She looked down the hallway as the students departed. Then, she locked the door. She took a chair and placed it in front of mine. She looked at me-silent. I began to tremble. There was something about the look in her eyes. I looked for my rebuke. I did not see it there. I felt compassion.

“My husband died from cancer earlier this year,” she told me. “When it happened I could not function. I know about your sister’s death. I will not let you fail.”

She took the test from the day before and placed it before me. I had prepared myself for my F. Instead, there was an A marked in bold red that covered the page. She said it again, “I will not let you fail.” Those words rung inside my head. She cared about me. I could only cry as she held me. She cared about me.

There are countless others that cared about me-Coach Fred gave me a place to stay when I had no place to go. My American History teachers loved me through the pain. I was surrounded by teachers and administrators who refused to let me fail. They loved me too much for that to happen. They cared about me.

So, Mr. Lassiter and the good folks over at Hillside, thanks for holding the torch long forgotten. Thanks for reminding us of the pain that comes to school each day. Sometimes they lack the strength to learn. They are more than numbers measured at the end of the year. They are people working through the madness.

If it hadn’t been for people like you, I would not be here today. Thanks for the memory.

Time to Make That Change?: Durham Committee Election Tonight

Tonight’s the big night. Black residents of Durham will gather at the White Rock Baptist Church to vote on the next chair of the Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People. It’s the most anticipated election since Ken Spaulding defeated Pete Allison. Spaulding promised change and a more youthful Durham Committee. Allison’s wife, Lavonia, has led the organization for the past 12 years.

Those on the outside regard the Durham Committee as a mere shadow of its former self. Melvin Whitley has promised to move the Durham Committee past its divisive ways. The group is plagued with internal battles that have become the subject of a public conversation related to impact the group has in making a difference. The internal mess is marred even more by a public perception that has many ashamed to call themselves members.

Most outsiders agree there is a need for change. The Durham Committee maintains a system of exclusion that spits in the face of the advances made due to the work of the group. The time has long passed for the Durham Committee to consider a broader agenda-one not limited to the color of one’s skin, and one that isn’t rooted in a culture of classism.

Under Allison’s leadership, the Durham Committee has remained stuck in a time long gone. Allison and her supporters continue to function under the presupposition that “The Man” is out to get us and that the best way to make change is to embark on an agenda that pits us versus them. Sadly, the Durham Committee failed to embrace the Barack Obama magic of the past election. They failed to mobilize people to support the platform of America’s first black President. How sad it is that the Durham Committee continues to function as if the nation hasn’t taken a major shift!

Allison is out of touch with the world in which most of us live. She refuses to talk to the press. Help me understand how one can be effective as a leader of a major organization while refusing to utilize the most powerful tool at your disposal. She has minimized the influence of the Durham Committee to the few who continue to attend meetings. Those on the outside who care aren’t privy to what happens at those meetings. They only need the rest of the black folks when an election comes around.

It’s offensive to be approached with a slate of candidates endorsed by a group that has failed to reach out to voters. The organization has no website, no communicated agenda, policies that are changed to fit the purposes of those in charge and a reputation that screams for change. Is Allison to blame for all of this? That may be overstating the truth. Allison represents an age of black leadership that has faded with time. She has served Durham well, and she did so within an historical context that demanded her style of leadership.

Time has changed. Most of us no longer desire an approach that limits based on race. Youth aren’t beholden to the barriers of race. As much as I love the color of my skin and the history of my people, I refuse to continue to exist within a world that forces people to stay locked in the bounds of race. Most of us are sick of having to answer that question that continues to divide-it’s not enough to be black in Durham, at issue is whether you are black enough.

Does being black mean you have to fight every white politician just because they’re white? Does being black mean you can’t write about black people because it divides the race? Does being black mean you support projects proposed by black people when there is enough evidence to prove they lack the ability to follow through? Who qualifies blackness?

Allison has stood on wobbly terrain for a long time. The slippery slope is all those assumptions made-that her way of functioning is the only way, that she has the right to determine authentic blackness, that the work of the Durham Committee is the work Durham’s black community. Sorry folks. The power of one’s voice should never be circumvented by the mandates of a few. We have fought too hard to step back into the world of fear.

Tonight is the big election. Some think its Allison versus Whitley. It’s more important than that. This is about views surrounding the state of Durham’s black community. Is it time to move forward, or will the masses decide to stay locked in the days of Bull Conner and hooded white dudes holding confederate flags.

It’s time to stop whistling Dixie.

Letter from Melvin Whitley

Note: This is a letter I just received from Melvin Whitley regarding the elction for the Chair of the Durham Committtee on the Affairs on Black People.

I am Reverend Melvin Whitley, Candidate for Chairman of the Durham Committee for the Affairs of Black People. I ask that you cast your vote for me at The Durham Committee meeting on December 10th.

A vote for Melvin Whitley is a vote that will move The Durham Committee forward into a new day—to operate in a new way. Let’s put the past behind us.

I am ready to serve and lead The Durham Committee forward to be the organization that addresses the needs of the people it represents. I am ready to welcome everyone that love Durham and is willing to use their skills to empower the African American community. The African American community has a wealth of untapped Black talent. I am ready to ask our brightest to serve on a committee of interest. I am ready to lead an organization that seeks solutions and avoids alienation. I am ready to lead an organization that encourages community participation and utilizes the skills and interests of it members.

“I am here, and I am ready to serve.”If I am elected Chairman of The Durham Committee, it will not continue its “business as usual”:
ü I will work with the membership to set attainable goals for the organization and evaluate our progress every six months. You will tell us how well we’re doing.
ü I will work with the membership to implement standard operating procedures that are consistent with the constitution and bylaws of organization.
o I will ensure that agendas are available for review prior to Committee meetings.
o I will ensure that minutes of meeting are available to our membership.
o I will ensure that treasury reports are presented at Committee meetings.
ü I will work with the membership to create a public presence of The Durham Committee that is open and responsive to issues affecting our community.
ü I will work with the membership to utilize communication tools like websites and social marketing sites to engage the public.

Under my administration as Chairman the organization will set out to accomplish three goals.
It is important that the Committee generate annual revenue to supports a base budget for planning and operations. I support membership dues.
Consistent with utilizing communication tools we must build a database that extends our communication reach in communities we serve with efficiency and effectiveness.
The Durham Committee will reinvest in its future by training the people we serve. We will invest in the future of our organization by sponsoring training programs that implement our mission and service. For example sponsoring training sessions in community organizing, fundraising, and campaign training.
“I am here, and I am ready to serve.” I have worked in 42 political campaigns over 44 years, winning 36 of them. I know how to win. When my Country called for me in the 60’s to serve in Vietnam “I said here I am”.

When the people of Virginia in the 70”s asked me for help in building coalition to successfully reduced utility increases and eliminated of taxes on food and prescription drugs, “I said here I am” and we won.

When Governor Hunt decided in the 80”s to close Dorothea Dix Hospital the employee began to organize. This decision would have put 1,300 state employees out of work. They asked me to serve as chairperson for the Save Dix Committee, “I said here I am” and we won.

When people in the 90”s asked me to implement Neighborhood Safety Initiatives in Raleigh, Greensboro and Charlotte, “I said here I am”.

In just one year I organized a state- wide campaign for the passage of the Safe Storage of Hand Guns Bill, which was made law in 1993. “We won”

When people in East Durham wanted organize a coalition to help politicians understand that the appearance of our neighborhoods impact crime, “I said here I am” and we won.

When Joe Bower, Chair of the NAACP, wanted me to build a coalition to work on reducing plea-bargains in violent gun –related crimes, “I said here I am” and we won.

When Joe Bower, Chair of the NAACP, ask me to help get an in-parent drug treatment faculty “I said here I am” and we won. It took years and now we have it.

When East Durham wanted the City to closed down all of the Strip Clubs in East Durham, “I said here I am” and we won.

When asked to help pass an enactment of a Housing Impact Policy that would restrict developers from building more subsidized rental housing in poor neighborhoods, “I said here I am” and we won.
When asked to help pass enactment of a housing impact policy that would restrict developers from building more subsidized rental housing in poor neighborhoods, “I said here I am” and we won.

When my neighborhood had a boarded up school, but needed a Recreation Center they asked me to engage local Government to develop The Holton School. Upon its completion the 17.9 million dollar school project was renamed Holton Career and Resource Center. “I said here I am” and we won.

The Question is will you vote to maintain the status quo and keep the Durham Committee the same, or will you vote for a new way to operate.

At no time did I ask what’s in it for me. This work has nothing to do with my employment. I’m un-owned, and un-bossed. No one asked me what I did when I was young. They did not ask me who my white Democratic friends are. They asked me for help, and “I said here I am”.



ü Vote Yes for Rev. Melvin Whitley on Thursday night, December 10th, 2009, at 7:00 PM, White Rock Baptist Church

* Eligible voters must of African American decent, must live in Durham County, and be present to vote.

Melvin Whitley: Flash Forward

Note: This post was first published in the Durham News section of the News & Observer

Melvin Whitley was a minister at the church I pastor. I remember the first time I heard him preach. He stood broken. He shared being out of control. The flashbacks kept coming. The memories of Vietnam stayed locked in his head.

From the pile of ashes that once stood as a souvenir of days gone bad, Whitley is positioned to lead the influential Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People. Thursday's election at White Rock Baptist Church could bring an end to the 12-year tenure of Lavonia Allison.

This election is the classic battle between old money, pedigree and education, and dirt poor, homeless and addicted. Whitley has been called quick-tempered. Some question his motives. Others point to his criminal record. "I can't work with him because he refuses to listen," a member of the political arm of the Durham Committee told me. That person recounted a frenzied altercation between Whitley and Allison at a Durham Committee meeting.

Conversations surrounding Whitley have more to do with his past than his achievements as a grassroots organizer. People want to know more about that indecent exposure charge back in 2005 and the 18 assault charges filed against him.

"I was the first man in America to get arrested for using the bathroom," he told me. It happened during an NAACP executive board meeting at the North Carolina Mutual Building. A female custodian was mopping the floor. According to Whitley, she asked him not to use the bathroom. She went to the supervisor, who fired her for making the complaint against Whitley.
"After she was fired, she called and asked me for money. I wouldn't do it," Whitley said. The woman filed charges against Whitley. The case was thrown out of court before he faced a judge.

It reminded Whitley of days before the change. "Sixteen years ago I went from having dinner with the governor to being on the soup line," Whitley said. One day he sold his shoes for a hit. It started to snow.

"I lived in boarded-up houses. One day I saw this house people had moved out of that day thinking I could find something to sell not to get shoes but to get another hit. In there was a hymn book. I got out the hymn book and started singing 'Jesus keep me near the cross'."

The next day, Whitley began his journey to recovery. "I went in the prayer room at the rescue mission in Raleigh to cuss God out about my wife dying, Vietnam, being homeless and attempting suicide," Whitley said. "Right then I said to God if you don't let me die, then you would have to fix it."

Whitley says he was arrested 18 times on assault charges dating back 30 years. He called himself a moral thug. He would attack drug dealers who failed to show up in court. He says his rage was connected to Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. "I hated white people to the point I wouldn't wear a white T-shirt or underwear," he said.

I asked him the biggest difference between him and Allison. "I'm capable of saying I made a mistake, and I'm willing to forgive people," he said. He talked about his shortcomings and how he listens to his critics. If it fits, he puts it on; if it doesn't, he takes it off.

His goals for the Durham Committee are simple: bring back trust into the Durham Committee, bring people back to the table, to create goals that are measurable, to evaluate leadership every six months, identify future leaders and to establish a membership fee.

From that day at Compassion Ministries Whitley stands on the brink of leading the Durham Committee. It's funny how a story of change can be celebrated in some places and used to hinder in others. Those of us who have been addicted understand what it means to endure change. It's hard to talk about the passion that inspires one to make a difference. "I left people on the streets who are still there," Whitley said. "We need to go back and help them."

Count me in, Melvin. Let's go get them.

Letters From Murphy and Watts Regarding the Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People

Note: Posted below are two letters. The first is written by Lois Murphy, a supporter of Lavonia Allison in the upcoming election for chair of the Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People. The second letter comes from Chuck Watts. Parts of both letters were recently quoted in my blog. Many have requested to view the letters in their entirety. Enjoy

Lois Murphy's Letter to members of the Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People

Dear Members,

Melvin Whitley has announced he is running against Dr. Allison for the chair position of the Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People (Committee) this year. Allow me to emphatically inform you that for years Melvin has been working with Katie Munger, who wrote an e-mail several years ago vowing to dismantle the Committee. Melvin has no interest in the mission of our Committee and only wants to chair it so he can usher in the demise of our organization, which has been in the works since its inception in 1935.

Certainly, I do not deny change is needed; however, change fueled by lust for power, vengeance, and with the intent of dismantling the Committee is not the answer. There is not a one of us who has not at one time or another been disenfranchised with the Committee’s leadership. However, one thing that we must not ignore is that Dr. Allison has a long standing record of protecting the mission of the Committee. She regularly attends meetings to voice concerns about the conditions of our people, and she is black and bold enough to publicly divulge racist discriminatory practices, which stifles the advancement of blacks in Durham.

Melvin along with others (Bill Bell, Cora Cole McFadden, Howard Clement – just to name a few) within the organization were instrumental in unseating Joe Bowser several years ago. Therefore, Bowser supporters, a vote for Melvin is a vote against Joe. Thelma White is unseating Dr. Allison really worth it since for sure if Melvin became chair, Joe and those of like mind would never be endorsed by the Committee.

Therefore, we must not allow the Committee to fall into the hands of those who want to dismantle our organization, not willing to equally share power and resources, as well as continue the Jim Crow mentality. Katie Munger, the People Alliance, and Melvin Whitley desire to see the only independent organization for blacks destroyed because they cannot control it or our leaders. We must lay aside our personal difference to protect this organization from them, as well as those among us who seek to destroy this Committee for their own self serving interest.

Dr. Allison needs our support in this battle to protect the mission of the Committee. Thus, NOW is definitely not the time for infighting. Do not destroy our organization and allow it to be controlled by Katie Munger and the People Alliance through self-proclaimed minister, Melvin. Give Dr. Allison your VOTE at the 7 pm, December 10 meeting instead of Katie Munger, the People Alliance, and their agent of destruction Melvin Whitley. The meeting will be held at White Rock.

By the way self proclaimed minister Melvin, is it true you served time for assaulting a women and been arrested for indecent exposure? If so, your manhood and commitment to God is questionable, as well as your mental capacity. Whatever happened to the Durham Voter Coalition? Why are you not chair of that organization or seeking to be chair of the People’s Alliance?

In addition, the great Reverend Wannabe Chair of the Committee Melvin Whitley is no more than an agent for those who want to dismantle our community. His appearance of representing our community is for self serving purposes ONLY!

Sincerely,

Lois Murphy

Chuck Watt's Letter to Members of the Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People

Lois,

I am, frankly, not sure how I got on a mailing list to receive this broad side attack on Rev. Whitley, but since you included me, let me respond with my thoughts about the issues that you raise.

First, let me say that Dr. Allison's history of commitment to the Committee is unquestioned and really cannot be challenged by any knowledgeable person.

Second, I think it needs to be acknowledged that Dr. Allison's truly historic commitment is just not relevant to any question regarding future leadership of the Committee. The past is the past and any functioning organization needs to be focused exclusively on its future when selecting a leader. Black folks in Durham owe her a lot but they do not owe her the Chair of the Committee.

Third, you make a lot of charges against Rev Whitley that, in my view, are also irrelevant, of course everyone will have to make their own judgement about that. However, political in fighting can result in strange bedfellows from time to time but in politics there are no permanent friends and no permanent enemies. I would caution you against reaching the conclusions that you have about Rev. Whitley and would advise that you raise your attacks as questions for him and ask him to provide a response. You can then more fairly reach a conclusion about his intentions and alliances.

Finally, I feel that I have to say something about one of your charges. You claim that Melvin's purpose in running for Chair of the Committee is to destroy it. I feel compelled to say that it has been under Dr. Allison's leadership that the Committee has reached its current level of low regard and low participation. In my lifetime, I cannot recall a time when the Committee has been at such a low level and has become all but irrelevant to matters of significance to black folks in Durham. You essentially acknowledge that fact in your comments, as has every person with whom I have had private conversation about the state of the Committee over the last few years. I will say it maybe more clearly than you have, IT IS TIME FOR A CHANGE IN LEADERSHIP AT THE DURHAM COMMITTEE. The destruction of the Committee is more likely to occur from a continuation of the current leadership than it is from almost any change in leadership.

I applaud Rev. Whitley for putting his name out there. The sort of personal attack that you have provided is what, I am sure, he expected and yet he was willing to stand up to these sorts of assaults.

Due to the bizzare rules that have been put in place to give the Chair control over voting, I am sure that I will not be allowed to vote in the selection of a new Chair. However, I do recall when Dr. Allison ran against Judge Johnson for her first term as chair there were huge numbers of Committee members energized and voting. That will not be the case this time. This change is but one piece of evidence of the declining state of the Committee & it's relevance to the lives of Black folks in Durham.

Peace,

Chuck Watts.

Durham Committee Election:Allison Vs. Whitley

It’s time for the biggest election of the year. On December 10th, there will be a vote to determine the next leader of the Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People. It will pit long time Chairwoman Lavonia Allison against grassroots organizer Melvin Whitley. Make no mistakes about it. This has become personal.

Responses to my previous blogs have made two things clear. To begin, even those within the historically powerful organization weren’t clear regarding who could and couldn’t vote. “Although I can appreciate your opinion as an outsider looking in; I think that if you would like to post the voting procedure that you should get it correct. You have to attend more than 2 meetings per year,” wrote Joy Morgan, a member the Durham Committee’s political committee. “The prerequisite is that you attend 2 meetings per quarter and 1 political committee meeting per quarter.”

It was Morgan’s way of taking a stab at those who haven’t attended meeting. Her contention is that folks need to be a part of the process, and, if you’re not, keep your mouth shut. Excuse me for speaking out of turn. Later it was determined Morgan’s inside information was wrong. According to the groups constitution all that is needed is that a person be black and live in Durham to vote.

The truth was exposed after former city council candidate Darius Little went hunting for the truth. It turns out the Durham Committee had agreed to alter the rules related to eligibility to vote in the 2007 Durham Committee officers election.

It took loads of investigation to uncover the truth, and when I spoke with one of those insiders regarding eligibility requirements, I got a rude awakening. “I knew the truth but didn’t want to tell you because I was scared you would show up and vote for Melvin Whitley.” Now that’s taking things too far. Is it possible that members within the Durham Committee are keeping those rules to themselves in order to dissuade people from voting? That’s deep. I felt like a Negro in the late fifties unable to vote after failing the poll test.

The comments on my blog speak to a deeper issue-the lack of unity within the Durham Committee. “How can change be created, when people who express wanting change, sit on the sidelines screaming at the participants; yet without joining-in and adding fresh perspective,” Darius Little wrote. “I've heard Dr. Allison talk hot trash about Joy (Morgan), but Joy comes and makes her presence felt, no matter what others may think.”

The remarks kept coming. “Darius if you have a shortcoming as a young man, it is always wanting to be nice to everyone,” Idontcare wrote. “People like Joy (Morgan) and Jackie (Wagstaff) aren’t your friends. That is why I voted for Howard over you in the committee.”

From there the writer took stabs at Morgan. “Joy has only come to the committee the past 2 months, after being gone for years and she is more obnoxious now than she was before. Joy can’t vote herself, but is here giving advice. Joy needs to shut the hell up, sit down and not worry about everyone else. Joy should use her energy looking for a damn job, instead of talking about and then asking those same elected officials for help getting a job.”

I marveled at the low blows. I wondered about the sanity of the person attacking Morgan. I was prepared to jump to her defense when she came out swinging. “Thank you for your concern idontcare; it seems as if you do care, but please know that I am fine,” Morgan wrote. “Also, if trying to help make a difference is obnoxious, then I'll be obnoxious all day everyday. You should try it sometimes, maybe it will help you ease your negativity and childlike behavior.” Dang girl.

The torrent of blog post is frail in contrast to the myriad of emails circulating. Lois Murphy, a passionate backer of Joe Bowser and active Durham Committee member, submitted a letter championing the candidacy of Allison. She argued a vote for Whitley is a vote against Bowser and will lead to the dismantling of the Durham Committee.

Then it gets personal. “By the way self proclaimed minister Melvin, is it true you served time for assaulting a women and been arrested for indecent exposure? If so, your manhood and commitment to God is questionable, as well as your mental capacity,” Murphy wrote.

Chuck Watts came to Whitley’s defense. “I feel compelled to say that it has been under Dr. Allison's leadership that the Committee has reached its current level of low regard and low participation,” Watts wrote. “In my lifetime, I cannot recall a time when the Committee has been at such a low level and has become all but irrelevant to matters of significance to black folks in Durham.” Get the point? Things are out of control.

The big election is on next week. Sadly, many are still under the impression they can’t vote due to some rule prohibiting their participation. So, this is the deal. If you are black and live in Durham, show up at the White Rock Baptist Church on December 10th to vote.

In my next blog I will share a conversation with Melvin Whitley. I asked him about his past and reputation for being hot tempered. We talked about the confrontation with Jackie Wagstaff at a recent Durham Committee meeting and why he decided to run for the chair of the Durham Committee. He talked about having Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and how he has grown over the years. We also talked about his plans to lead the Durham Committee.

Fasten your seat belts folks. This could get interesting.

Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People: Heal Thyself

My phone was overloaded with messages and I had over 50 emails waiting to be read. My last blog concerning the chaos in the Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People sparked a public dialogue that confirmed my premise that the organization is out of touch and viewed as a contentious group with no message, purpose or plan to shift the tide.

Those on the inside have challenged me to join the group and help change things from the inside rather than throw stones at the organization from the outside. The basis for that agenda is rooted in the notion that black folks should keep their business to themselves and hide the dirty laundry from “The Man”. There was a time when the plans of those on the other side hindered the goals of the black community. The mean and calculating spirits of those in white hoods made it difficult for the black community to improve their position. That was then, this is now.

The Durham Committee is so outdated in the way it functions that catching up will take more than a few fresh bodies to fix what aisles them. The biggest obstacle facing the Committee is a major change that alienates people who want to make a difference. Even if I wanted to come back and participate, I can’t vote for the next leader due to my lack of participation.

In the past, anyone could vote for the leadership of the Durham Committee. The only requirements were that you be black and a resident of Durham. The change requires that voters attend two general body meetings each year. This leaves the organization under the control of the few who continue to support the work of the Committee. A person like me would have to attend two meetings while waiting for the next election. You would have to bite your tongue and embrace the agenda of the current leadership. Frankly, that is something I can’t do.

I refuse to participate in a work that goes against much of what I believe. I will not support the divisiveness of the Durham Committee. I will not follow the leadership of a woman who clings to a process that distances the group from those who want to make a difference. I hate the “us” versus “them” philosophy of the Committee. I deplore making assumptions about race and the way people are disqualified from leadership due to the opinions of a few. I regret a practice that fails to connect to the myriad of voices in the community and the failure of the Committee to consider the variety of gifts and positions waiting to be considered.

I loathe being told what is best for me and the people I care about. As much as I want to participate, I’m reminded that I can’t take responsibility for what I didn’t create. The Durham Committee is not the organization I loved when I served as a committee chair under the leadership of Ken Spaulding. Spaulding had a vision that was easy to follow. He wanted to improve housing conditions. He wanted to bridge the racial divide. Spaulding had the organization moving in a different direction.

I’m reminded that my appointment to the Religious and Human Rights Committee was met with controversy. Lavonia Allison led the charge to protest Spaulding’s decision to assign me and William Height, pastor of the Greater St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church, as co-chairs. Spaulding went against protocol. The recommendation had come from the Interdenominational Ministerial Alliance to the Durham Committee. We began serving under protest.

The battles surrounding that appointment opened my eyes to the agenda’s that hamper solidarity. Spaulding recognized the emergence of new leadership in the city. He mobilized the genius of those waiting to make a difference. Tara Nichols, Glennis and Grace Jones worked tirelessly with the city of Durham to improve housing standards. Then it all stopped. Conflicts of interest led Spaulding to resign and the rest is history. The Committee has not been the same since.

Those within the Committee bear responsibility for what has happened to this once powerful organization. Those on the outside looking in can’t take blame for the sad state of the Committee. They voted on changes that kept us on the outside. They embraced leadership not respected by the majority of black people in the city. They have refused to move to correct the systemic problems that prevent those on the outside from feeling at home.

The Committee should heal itself from within. The fewer than 50 people who keep things moving within the Committee should consider the implications of its decline. Countless men and women are watching from the outside. Chuck Watts, Carl Webb, Ken Lewis, Lois Deloatch, Nnenna Freelon, Phil Freelon, Dante James, Karla Holloway, Dionne Greelee, Aidil Collins, Eric Pristel, Dewayne Marks, Sherrod Banks, Anita Brown-Graham, Sterling Freeman and countless others aren’t a part of the Committee. There are gifted young men and women like my son, King Kenney, who feel alienated from the Committee. Ask them what they think. Listen to what they have to say about a group that has disregarded them for the past 15 years.

Those on the inside say they need for us to participate. I say fix what you messed up and check back with me on the other side. Until then, an election is coming up in December. Who you elect will go a long way in improving that screwed up image you helped create. The bad news is the best in black leadership isn’t present to help lead the way. What a web you have created.

It’s sad what happens when people become obsessed with power.

Endorsement Wars

“I don’t understand why the Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People didn’t support good people,” my friend Naomi Quinn asked after the recent election.

Her befuddled glare reflected a disappointment shared by many. The low voter turn-out and wide margin of victory by the incumbents hid the story lurking in the background of the most recent election. The real scoop is the rift between the black incumbents on the City Council and the Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People’s power base.

Conversations with Committee insiders unveils a contentious process that included a fiery exchange between Melvin Whitley and Lavonia Allison, Bill Bell barely receiving the endorsement of the powerful Political Committee and the allegation that Howard Clement was told to axe Whitley as his campaign manager or lose the Committee’s endorsement.

“They told Howard to get rid of me or else,” Whitley said. “The Committee has been taken over by Jackie Wagstaff. How did this organization that has been around for 74 years get to the point where they will endorse a candidate that can’t win?”

Those inside the Committee blame Whitley for rousing trouble at Committee meetings. “He calls himself a minister, but the way he acted at those meetings was not of God,” a member who asked to not be identified said. “We were talking about something totally unrelated to what he raised.” Whitley claims it was the lack of a credible process that got under his skin.

The battles between Clement and the Committee began during the primary when Clement made it clear that he didn’t care about the Committee’s endorsement. Members of the Committee had an issue with Clements refusal to pass out the endorsement flyer from the Committee. “We weren’t going to pass it out because Cora wasn’t endorsed,” Whitley said.

What followed was the big story of the election. The four incumbents-Bill Bell, Cora Cole-McFadden, Howard Clement III and Mike Woodard-formed their own PAC and created an endorsement flyer with their names. “Nothing like this has ever happened in Durham,” Whitley said.

Whitley went on to talk about how the Committee has allowed personal agendas to get in the way of sound judgment. Some on the Committee spoke of their desire to replace the current City Council. Four of the newcomers to the political scene-Steven Williams, Sylvester Williams, Darius Little and Donald Hughes-teamed up to fight against the Council. Each campaigned for change, but neither was able to communicate to the public why a takeover was necessary.

The bond between the challengers was exposed in an email Darius Little sent to Sylvester Williams. Williams attacked Little for supporting Howard Clement instead of his write-in-candidacy. The email provides an inside view of the behind the scene working of the Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People. Take a look at part of what Little wrote.

I don't dislike you at all, so it wasn't personal Sylvester. However, when I've busted my chops in the Durham Committee, only to have a person that's never been in there, come in and get more votes than me....it tells me all I need to know: I need to make new friends. I can't imagine how Bill feels after barely getting the endorsement. And that began, by supporting Howard Clement, over a write-in candidate. These people are not villains. And even as my political enemies, when I was running against them, they were nicer to me than those who were supposed to be my allies (alays gossipping and being two-faced). I can do bad by myself and with friends like some of these people, who needs enemies. Luckily for me, I owe nobody a thing but Fred and Thelma White. And my conscience is clear with the Lord bc I operated in the right way. And by not being divisive, as others have been, I've not severed a lot of relationships in the long-term, for temporary gain…

I will go to my grave with the mindframe that people vote based on relationships, not endorsements. You've lived in Durham all your life, never been in legal trouble, are a preacher and I got as many votes as you did. And I've not been in Durham 1/10th the time you have. I had no endorsements, you had 2. People vote on relationships. So I'm building relationships and frankly, establishing a relationship with Howard Clement, his donors and supporters (as he and his family introduced me to all of them last night at his celebration party), helps me more than going against the current council, by supporting a "write-in" that in no way was going to even make a sniff at winning.

Example: at the DCABP endorsement, it was a tie with the Mayor and his challenger. So the old-guard wanted the Mayor out. But in general body, Bill won. How? People vote on relationships and Bill had a couple more established than his challenger. He won, even at his worst. As did Howard. After all that smack talk about Howard working against the committee, not ONE of the Committee's officers got up and made a motion to do a no vote. So, since they were cowards, I joined his campaign. Obviously, they had no problem with what he was doing. Don't be fooled by these people, they talk a good game, but come gametime, will leave you standing there looking silly.


Little’s email raises serious questions related to the role of the Durham Committee on the Affairs of Black People. Most troubling is the move among some to oust Bill Bell. Change isn’t always a bad thing, but why would the Committee vote to place the leadership of Durham in the hands of a person with no political experience? The change that was hoped for wasn’t as much about making Durham a better place, but more about making a statement about the power of the endorsement process. Sadly, it all leaves the Durham Committee further disconnected from the Community they seek to serve.

Most black people in Durham are disengaged from the Durham Committee. The only question left to be answered is what will happen now that they are viewed as a joke by those who depend on them for leadership.

It’s hard to understand why the black people on the Committee fought so hard to replace those good black people on the council. I’ve heard a change is gonna come, but what type of change is this?

Legalize the Stuff

Some things are just wrong. You can’t steal candy from a baby. You can’t intentionally run over a stray dog, and you can’t put grandma in jail.

I know there are some exceptions to the rule. You can lock granny up if she walks into a public place and opens fire on everyone in the room. Lock her up if she gets stopped for drinking while drunk after running over kids crossing the street after school. There are some crimes that are so despicable that age is thrown out the door. Sometimes you have to shake your head and tell the judge to lock grandma up and throw away the key, but boy it’s hard to find a reason to justify locking granny up for the rest of her days.

That’s why it was hard for me to read the story of a couple in their 60s getting busted after sheriff detectives discovered marijuana plants worth a quarter of a million dollars growing in their southwestern Durham home. Benjamin Franklin Harrington, 61, and Annie Harris Harrington, 60 were arrested after detectives found 42 marijuana plants with an estimated street values of $244,440 growing in their home. It’s safe to say the weed wasn’t for personal consumption.

In addition to the weed, detectives confiscated one gram of powder cocaine, two 30-caliber rifles and $760 bucks. No biggie on the rifles and cash. Yeah, I have problems with the cocaine, but the real issue is the cannabis. Grandma and Grandpa may go down for the manufacture and distribution of weed. There is something wrong with this picture.

It reminds me of the arrest of a 65-year old rural Wake County woman on charges of growing five marijuana plants back in 1993. The arrest of Alta Belle Mills sparked a debate that led the News & Observer to write an editorial supporting the legalization of marijuana. Mills was arrested after helicopter surveillance revealed the plants. She received only a suspended sentence, but federal officials sought to seize her mobile home and her eight acres of land under federal forfeiture laws.

The thought of sending a person to the penitentiary for peddling pot is hard for me to swallow. I stopped smoking the stuff back in the early 80s, so I don’t a horse in this race. I had to give it up due to my addiction to more potent drugs. My own issues with recovery aren’t enough to offset the argument in favor of legalizing marijuana.

With that being said, the legalization of marijuana hits me at home due to the number of my personal friends who get high. Many of them function in high places, and would shock the world if word got out about their love of the whacky weed. My opinion has shifted over the years. There was a time when I felt the need to preach abstinence. I taunted the consequences of getting high-jail time, brain damage, poor role modeling, you know the list.

My opinion changed because of all of those friends who use the stuff. That combined with the young black men I know who are either serving time or facing a court date because of weed. It is certain that crimes need to be punished, but, given all of the evidence out there about marijuana, I would rather see law enforcement spend more time dealing with more pressing concerns like unsolved murders.

Given all of those fine outstanding citizens who smoke pot, why not legalize and tax marijuana instead of putting them in jail? There has to be an economic advantage. I’m told that since weed was legalized in California for medical purposes, there are more smoking houses than Starbucks coffee houses. That’s a business success story if I ever heard of one.

I can hear my moralist friends shouting about the need to uphold family values. The problem with that argument is all of us don’t share the same values, and the last time I checked that constitution protects freedom of expression. Our desire to make American a fine Christian nation often gets in the way of making decisions that make good sense.

I have a problem with locking grandma up. Call me insane. Call me too liberal. Call me whatever you want, but putting grandma in jail isn’t a good family value.

Don't Get Sick

There’s nothing worse than being sick when you have work to do. The pile of papers set stacked on my desk begging for attention. The phone kept ringing as people in need begged for me to come out and fix their problems. I was reminded of the scripture, my freaking spirit was willing but my body said no!

It felt like a conspiracy to keep me annoyed and inefficient. The remote control needed batteries and I was too weak to get up and change the channel. Woe is little ole me. Do you feel my pain? I couldn’t write. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t…well, I just couldn’t.

My friends kept calling with their own remedy for the flu. “Get you some Ginger and Coconut Milk soup from Whole Foods and some..,” my friend Dionne demanded. “Get you some vitamin C and chew them,” Tamara, another good friend and member of the church suggested with a passion that made me afraid to say no.

The get you this and get you that exercise was always followed with the same question. “Have you been to see the doctor?” That’s when things got tricky. Given the throb of my head and those dreadful body pains, this was the point I had to consider breaking one of those lofty Commandments. To lie or not to lie, that was the question.

No, I didn’t go to the doctor. I wanted to, but I couldn’t, or, should I say, I wouldn’t because this dude doesn’t have medical insurance. My plight forced me to rethink the national debate on Healthcare reform. Those Tea Baggers and theorist of a socialist takeover have made an assumption that demands a voice stuck on a couch with no remote control. I’m educated, part of that middle class crowd, a respected member of the community (depending on who you ask) and at the age were things like health benefits should be in place.

Like so many others forced to make the decision not to go to the doctor, my situation is the result of a major shift in my life. Gone is the benefit package that protected me from the fear of the bug. It all left me when those good folks decided to get me out of my former life, forcing me to do my own thing. There are countless men and women desirous of the security of healthcare lacking it because of circumstances that make it hard to find a way.

Given my good health, good eating habits and exercise regiment, I get by. President Obama and Michelle talk a lot about prevention. My obsession with locally grown, organic food, my disgust at fast food and my love for food that taste good and that is good for you, keeps me healthier than most my age. With that being said, there is no way to keep that bug away and none of us knows what could come our way.

Alan Grayson got it right when he said the Republican healthcare plan is for you not to get sick. I tried my best to abide within the margins of their agenda-eat right, exercise, don’t smoke, no drugs-but dang it, I still got sick. I got sick and couldn’t go to the doctor because I don’t have health insurance.

Is there a doctor in the house?

Not My Team!

I can take a deep breath and relax now. The past few weeks have been incredibly stressful. No, it wasn’t the ghastly flu that had me trapped on my couch with fever, body aches and a headache that refused to go away. Battling the bug was nothing compared to the outlandish prospect of Rush Limbaugh becoming a minority owner of my St. Louis Rams.

Don’t laugh at me for being a Rams fan. I know the teams play looks more like a scrimmage squad than a NFL team. The only question related to my home team is if they’re worse than the pathetic Oakland Raiders. I take great joy in the demise of the Raiders due to the nasty rivalry they have with my team from the West side of my home state-the Kansas City Chiefs. I hate those Raiders as much as I hate meatloaf. Yuck! Can’t stand the stuff.

My love for the Rams has nothing to do with the Rams. The team of my youth, the St. Louis Cardinals, betrayed me by moving West to Arizona. They packed their bags and left me void of a team on the East side to root for on Sunday’s. That’s a serious heartbreak for a kid groomed in the magic of the Cardiac Kids. My love for Mel Gray began after old dude came to my school and autographed my notebook. Gray was a star for the University of Missouri. He went on to become an all pro with my Cardinals. When he played I remembered that day in class when he took the time to talk to me about the importance of education and having a dream.

After my Cardinals left the Louie, there was talk of the Sweetness becoming a partner in bringing a new team. I lost it when I read the story in the St. Louis Post Dispatch. As much as I loved my Cardinals, the thought of Walter Peyton owning MY team was enough to remove the pain of the exodus to the desert.

So, imagine what it must have felt like when I read the story of Limbaugh’s move to purchase MY team. No he didn’t. No he won’t. I will boycott. I will pick another team. I will fight this one all the way to the…Get my point. I was ready to go to my closet and pull out those fighting gloves. I simply can’t support a team that has that man as a partner.

I’m sure my conservative friends will argue against my passionate refusal. Good ole boys and girls from across the country have come to the Baugh’s defense. To all of the supporters of Black Man Public Enemy Number One, let me make myself perfectly clear. Let me make it so clear that you can feel the angst of a colored man working through some serious issues. That dude disgust me. I’m ashamed he’s from my home state. I understand the genesis of his philosophy. Like I said folks, I’m from Missouri and I have witnessed firsthand the disregard folks like Limbaugh have for people who look like me.

I didn’t call him a racist. I will call him confused. I will challenge anyone to convince me he cares about the state of race relations in this country. Help me get past his attack on Donovan McNabb. Help me move past the anger stirred when he said, on ESPN, that McNabb was over-praised as a quarter-back because he was black. Why would a black football player want to play for him? Why would black fans want to continue to support that team? How could the city of St. Louis get behind a team that has such a divisive voice as one of its owners?

This is different than Jay-Z owning the Nets or Jennifer Lopez and Mark Anthony owning the Miami Dolphins. It’s not the same as Venus and Serena taking their seat as part owners of the Dolphins. I get a thrill out of celebrities participating in the games of life. I’d purchase season tickets to watch the Bobcats get spanked on the court if Janet Jackson was a part owner and showed up at most of the home games. I’m just saying…

I can’t support a man I want to fight because of what he says about me. I can appreciate his right to say what is on his mind. I admire him for making stacks of cash by saying what all those Hillbillies and closet hate addicts want to say in public. It doesn’t take a Harvard PhD to see his popularity is fueled by folks who want to keep folks like me in their rightful place. Do your thang Mr. Baugh. I just don’t want him owning MY team.

With that being said, I would be more than happy if he talked to Al Davis about buying those Oakland Raiders. On second thought, give him a six pack of Bud Light, a plasma TV and a remote control and tell him to watch Monday Night Football. I’d rather not see him in the stands.

The Joke on Main Street

There must be something in the water. I’m not sure what has stirred the pot of frustration that has people wearing their feelings on their sleeve, but it has been interesting witnessing the unveiling of those monsters within.


I’m not talking about Serena Williams threatening to stuff a tennis ball down the throat of a line judge or Kanye West proving once again that he is the jerk of the century for his antics at the VMA Awards. No, I’m not referring to Michael Jordan’s arrogance exposed during his acceptance speech at the Hall of Fame. There’s enough in Durham to entertain those consumed with insanity.


This year’s election should be entitled the Joke on Main Street. It’s not enough for those craving a seat on the glorious city council to talk about critical issues facing this community. I would love to hear more about each candidate’s economic development theory or their views on Durham improving image. Sadly, the public suffers due to the Mickey Mouse game played by Durham’s endorsement process and the need of a few to find cause to attack incumbents below the belt.


Darius Little began the chase for the big seat with a letter sent to incumbent Howard Clement requesting old dude give up the battle. “I have observed you and you have reached an age where it is rather difficult for you to even stand. Also, you don't drive, so you have to rely on others, in order to get where you're going, each and every day,” Little wrote. “You are a good man - I know it and believe it. By the same token, you deserve to now move to another level of benevolence in our community. The rigors of City Council should no longer be your battle -- after 26 years, it is time that you move to another plateau, to help citizens, not to mention your new wife, who deserves more attention than she can receive while you're still engaged in City Business each day. To an extent, being on the Council restricts the many talents that you have.”


Little’s words reflected the sentiments of some critical of Clements work as a councilman, but is it the responsibility of an opponent to get in the middle of a deeply personal decision? I would rather allow the voters force Clement into retirement, when the time is right, versus having some young sucker throwing low blows at a man who has given great service to the community.


Following that fiasco was email gate. Deborah Giles, a city department director, got her hand caught in the cookie jar for using a work computer to send out an invite to City Councilwoman Cora Cole-McFadden’s re-election campaign kickoff. The email reached Donald Hughes, her challenger, who complained to City Manager Tom Bonfield.


It all felt like children going to daddy to complain. Giles made a major mistake in violating city policy, but going to pops showed a lack discipline around focusing on the issues versus getting stuck on the small stuff.


Next up, the good Reverend, Sylvester Williams, who is also running against Howard Clement, lashed out at the People’s Alliance for failing to endorse him. He chided the PAC for citing his lack of community involvement. “The PA, enhanced the perception that they are out of touch or either ignores the facts. On my website,www.newfacenewdurham.org, it is listed that I am a member of the East End Connector Ad-Hoc Committee and I served on the Youth Services Advisory Board for Durham County. Both positions were appointed by our local officials.” He wrote in his Sept. 13th email.


After stating his credentials as a pastor of a church, Williams shifts the discussion. “Christ Jesus, the Son of the Living God, commands us to love our neighbors and our enemies,” Do you hear a sermon coming? “It is an insult to me as a Pastor to say that I have not reached out to others through civic duties, regardless of race.”


Then comes the good stuff. “Would you consider the PA inclusive? I think elitist would be a better fit.” The preacher attacked them in the name of Jesus. The failure is not just Williams; it belongs to PA for tip toeing around the real issue.


The problem with Williams is his faith. The PA should not endorse a candidate so adamant against the rights of gays and lesbians in our city. His antiquated bent on religion is the last thing Durham’s City Council needs. The PA should tell him he’s too homophobic to represent the citizens of Durham.


I suppose that’s my problem with the lack of honesty around this election. So, let me make it simple. People have problems with Clement because he is getting old. They have problems with Little because he has a few legal issues in his past. Many like Hughes but have problems with his mother-Jackie Wagstaff- and remember his antics before the school board when he was a student at Hillside High School. The issue with Williams is he’s too much a conservative Christian in a city that is too progressive for his old time religion.


Now that we have all of that in the open, maybe we can talk about real issues. Don’t hold your breath. We shouldn’t assume they know the issues.

Hillside High Steps it Up

I sat in anguish as Hans Lassiter made his pitch for more discipline at Hillside High School. The deep despair of the mother sitting next to me left me reflecting on the words I wrote late last year. I wrote about a culture at Hillside that made it difficult for the school to break free from the quicksand like spirit that kept some students stuck in a cycle of defeat.

The mother next to me begged for answers after getting word her son would not graduate this school year. Why didn’t she know, before now, that he lacked the credits to matriculate past his sophomore year? How did she not know that there were problems that required intervention? The shake of her leg and the tone of her voice exposed the angst of a mother who had trusted the school to do its part. She recognized her own failures. All of us did. I sat startled by the revelation and questioned my role in the process.

We needed solutions. Anger stirred within me as the truth of the past few years became even more apparent. I marveled at the serious lack of communication between guidance counselors and students. I was shocked to learn that no system was in place to prevent youth from falling between the cracks. I fought back tears as I listened to the uncovering of how it got to this point. Anger came close to exploding as I considered the potential of the student who had been left to fend for himself.

My ripening temper was calmed by the presence of the man sitting across from us. He talked of change at Hillside. He mentioned the stack of issues facing the school and vowed to make a difference. I had heard it all before. This felt like poles apart from the neat PR message coming from former leaders. Lassiter spoke of the need for discipline. He talked about ways of supporting students and parents. The despondency that walked into his office slowly faded as I began to see change coming. Not over night. Maybe it would take a few years, but I felt it-something was different.

It’s time to change the culture-he said. I’m trying to teach them not to accept low performance-he told us. It’s time for the school to rise past being on the bottom. I didn’t hear excuses. I didn’t hear a speech about how people on the outside have tainted the image of the school. Lassiter told the truth. The school is a mess. It needs to be fixed. The problem isn’t public perception, its academic performance rooted in a culture that has embraced mediocrity.

He had a plan. We both listened. Then something magical happened. Faith returned. Faith not only in the school, but faith in the student who had, for a season, gotten off track. This was not the end of the world. This too would pass, and, with the help of a large village, success was glaring us in the face. I shifted the focus away from the things that hurt. I was able to do that because of the strength of Lassiter. He brought a new focus, a new message and a determination to make a difference.

“What can I do,” I asked. I wanted to share the load. The difference was in what each of us would bring. It would take all of us admitting that part of the problem, when it comes to low performance, is related to our failure to connect to change. So, I vowed to be difference in the life of that student. One day at a time, every day. I vowed to connect like a member of the family, watching and supporting in a way that will prevent that fall through the cracks.

Change demands accountability. All of us must take a look at ourselves. The student, the parent, the school administration, the teachers involved and people like you and me. One student at a time, one day at a time, Lord please change this mess.