Rethinking cancel culture

I could have been the face of the Me Too Movement. 

It’s a truth that forced deep introspection after I witnessed a long line of heroes bite the dust. I was forced to think critically about every move, every word – both in private and in public – I've made with women. I considered every hug. Was it innocent or inconsiderate? Was I defying safe space? Hugs during church gatherings, public forums and small gatherings – did I cross boundaries? 

The simple answer is yes. The not so simple answer is I didn't know enough to know. I’m guilty of living with and abusing being a man. I’ve used that power to manipulate women. I took it for granted. I’ve said things. I’ve done things. You get the point. 

I could blame inculturation. Men my age were groomed to be misogynistic. I didn’t know the word existed until the Me Too Movement forced men like me to endure a personal inventory of past deeds. We, Black men groomed in how to “pull” a woman, a gross term used to relate ways to convince a woman to have sex, were taught women desired bad boys. Sad. Some men continue to embrace toxic masculinity. Pathetic.

I could blame it on “it’s what everyone did.” Everyone. Businesspeople. Doctors. Lawyers. Preachers. Yes, I said preachers. A level of cool was attached to the ability to convince women to do whatever you desire. I could blame it on the culture. It's what men were taught to do. Right? Doing that absolves me of personal responsibility. Owning your own mess is the first step. Now, that's truth.

Me Too is about changing cultural variants.  It forced men to face our pathetic treatment of women. It gave women permission to relate their truth. They are sick of the mistreatment. They’re tired of the manipulation and objectification. Brothers, we got to do better. 

Message heard and received.  

There is power in being heard. It’s called “cancel culture.” There is power in getting a person fired or dismissed because of shady behavior. Exposure is the great equalizer. The Me Too Movement began a trend of accountability that has radically changed the enforcement of justice. The courts might not get it right the first time, but Twitter, Facebook and their cousins will uncover enough evidence to shame and dismiss anyone for past or present indiscretion. 

Accountability is a motherfucker. Your ass will be cancelled within hours of reported indiscretion. 

Accountability is a wonderful word. It's why masses take to the streets upon hearing news of the death of another unarmed Black person. Accountability is what people wanted the Catholic Church to offer after the exposure of their child abuse scandal. It's what people wanted after Trayvon Martin was murdered. Accountability is what people desire in the Breonna Taylor murder. Arrest the police, damnit.  

Cancel Culture is the weapon of accountability. Bang, bang. Bye Karen. 

Watching people suffer feels like the great payback. Revenge. It feels good. Joy, unspeakable joy. It helps knowing the dirty bastards got what they deserved. That’ll teach them not to mess with us, again. Right? Yes, it matters when we lock up all the dirty bastards and fire all the racist people. It matters that people receive adequate punishment for failing to live by the lessons taught when they were in kindergarten. 

But can I, please, consider my “Me Too” stress. Indulge me. Can I ask, what is the goal? What type of society are we trying to build? 

Too much? Try this. What would it look like if we all began by acknowledging not getting it right? If the ultimate goal is in re-creating society – a point of clarity that matters in this deeply ah ha moment – can we find grace enough to share our stories of not getting it right? 

If the power is in the change, can we find enough grace for people, who deserve to be cancelled, to publicly declare a desire to listen, learn and change?

For everyone who called a person Nigger, for everyone who wore blackface or took a picture in front of a Confederate flag – tell the truth. For everyone who hurled a homophobic slur- tell the truth. For every man who touched a woman inappropriately – confess it. Say it. Every anti-Semitic thought, word and deed. Every racist, sexist, homophobic insensitive act you wished never happened – tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Yes, so help you God. 

Get it out! Say it for the healing.  Say it and dedicate the rest of your life to becoming an advocate for the people you dealt pain. Own not getting it right. Own being a part of the problem. Accept not listening. Acknowledge the power of your privilege and commit the rest of your days to sitting down, shutting up and learning lessons regarding how it feels to be on the other side of shame.

I pray you do not cancel me for my confession.  

Maybe others will do the same.